Don't you send me to vm
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
