Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
