and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
