i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
even my farts smell like vagina
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
