I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
