I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
