Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
