People in love make me want to vomit
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
