You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
