I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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