I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
