I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
