the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
