you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
