I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
