i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
