Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
