I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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