Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Please don't give away my fajitas
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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