Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
