So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
