I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
