So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
