first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
