on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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