she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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