I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my poor anus
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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