I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize