Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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