Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
there is glitter all over my balls
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