Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
