Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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