he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
