its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
