I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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