im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
