The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
