its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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