Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
