I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
