omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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