i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I smell stomach acid.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
