Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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