Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
