I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's never too late to be topless.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
