I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
