i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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