we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
