Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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