That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
