Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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