he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
