I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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