my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
