how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
tell me about the eggs
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