New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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