Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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