am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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