So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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