On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
