I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
