You're my little dorito
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
