i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
