The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit