its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.