Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
