new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.