good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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