from now on my penis is your penis
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
