At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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