? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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