exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Four minutes until I can fart!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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