my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
